Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
