I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
