Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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