that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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