Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
