Apparently you make a good broom.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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