You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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