Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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