I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
