there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
