There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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