Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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