Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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