just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It's Friday. Sex?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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