some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
