Screwed.edu
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
