Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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