Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
