I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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