then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
