cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
