Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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