Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
