I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
