lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
