I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
it was like eating out sand paper
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
