I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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