So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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