I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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