i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
