I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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