hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
