my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
