so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
