Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
