on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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