I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
