wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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