Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
