I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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