I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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