He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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