her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
