I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
jump out the window naked night went bad
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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