Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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