problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
