youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
