im six kinds of drunk right now
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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