I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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