textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
