like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
