My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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