My friends, they love my intelligence
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
