i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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