There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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