Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
