how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
