I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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