It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
