ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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