no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
