It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
