Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize