my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
