I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
be right there i have to get my cape
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
