when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
