"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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