hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
