I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
